>>13720

>Very nice! This chapter flows excellently! Detailed but not excessive descriptions and detail, rich but to the point language, and the pacing of the plot feels just right.

Thanks, I was going to change the plot a bit, and add another spicy scene, but it was too complicated so I settled with just improving the writing. I feel it is a bit description heavy, but since it's kind of sexy description, I thought I might get away with it.

>There are also an abundance of well put together lines and jokes that spices it all up a bit. My favorite from this chapter is
>>Shapely calves were terminated with the standard number of feet

I almost deleted than line cos I thought it a bit corny!

>It's clear that a lot of hard work has been put into this; not only to write it in the first place but also in the editing. Well done, and thank you!

Yeah I kept editing it until I got sick of it lol. I do think it's substantially better than the original though.