And now the new stuff.

=Trust=

(Vocaloid, Kagamine Rin, Kagamine Len, death on a whim)

Ever since the Kagamine twins entered middle school, taking a train to it became a part of their daily routine. Today was no different, and just as usual Len and Rin were waiting at the edge of the platform, chirping among themselves merrily. They were enjoying the start of a new day blessed with nice weather, looking forward to meeting their friends at school and all the fun and games they were going to have after classes.

But then, just as the train approached, out of nowhere Rin suddenly leaned towards the tracks, pulling Len by his hand to follow her. For a brief moment Len was confused, but a gentle smile on Rin’s face told him she was doing this on purpose. What purpose could it possibly be? Even though they were twins, two parts of a whole, sometimes Len just couldn’t figure out what was going on in Rin’s mind. Yet also because they were twins, two parts of a whole, he didn’t need to.

It was true that Len never before contemplated suicide and even right now he saw no sense or reason in it, he felt happy about his life and looked to the future with enthusiasm, and he knew for sure Rin felt the same way. But none of that mattered compared to the trust in each other the twins shared, which meant that no matter how unexpected Rin’s actions were Len didn’t question them for a single moment, he didn’t feel a need to question them. The initial confusion that Len felt for a fraction of a second was only because of being taken by surprise, but once he realized what was going on he didn’t have to accept it: it being his twin’s will naturally made it already accepted.

Of course, had Rin told him about her intention of double suicide, Len would have definitely asked in sincere puzzlement why she wanted to do it. And if she happened to be open to discussion, they could have even ended up opting against killing themselves. Not him talking her out of it, but the two of them considering it together and making a collective decision, whichever way it went. But if Rin had foregone such a discussion, it meant she trusted that her twin brother would have certainly agreed with her. And in such a case Len trusted his twin sister to know him well enough to be able to judge on his behalf.

However, if Rin was so certain about Len agreeing, why haven’t she explained her reasoning at least to satisfy his curiosity? Surely he would have enjoyed knowing what he was dying for, given it was something he’d be willing to die for? Couldn’t it possibly be that Rin didn’t say anything exactly because she was afraid Len could disagree? No, there was nothing to be afraid of. Rin trusted that even if Len didn’t agree with her reasoning, as long as she simply asked him, he would still join her in this suicide without any hesitation or regret, because her wish alone was enough reasoning for him. And so similarly Len trusted that even if Rin’s reasoning was something he couldn’t agree with, she was not hiding it with malicious intent, but simply saw reason to mention it, knowing he would join her anyway.

But surely, if not informing him of her reasoning, Rin could at least let Len know she was going to do it? Actually, there wasn’t much point in it either. If Len was going to comply in any case, then the only thing such a warning would have solved was saving him from the initial moment of confusion. And her smile has already achieved just that, thus being all the warning he needed. Indeed, it probably worked even better, as a warning beforehand would have let him go through a much longer and deeper confusion, while now he just had no time for such thoughts.

He had no time for any thoughts, really. Even all of that reasoning was not what Len was actually thinking about, but why he didn’t need to think about anything. He didn’t need to think to see that the only reason Rin could throw both of them under a train without a discussion, without an explanation and even without a warning, was because she trusted Len not to need any of that, not from her, his other half. This made the whole spontaneity feel not at all disconcerting, but welcome and pleasant as an expression of Rin’s unfaltering trust. And so it was only natural for Len to respond by also trusting his sister without questioning anything, confusion on his face giving way to a gentle smile mirroring Rin’s. Had Len had any more time to ponder over the situation, he would have realized that basking in this sensation of ultimate mutual trust was Rin’s intention all along. However, it was the fact that he didn’t have such time that let him enjoy it as much as he did, as it forced him to simply accept everything by trust alone instead of trying to think about reasoning, thus making that trust truly unconditional.

But then does that mean Rin herself enjoyed it any less, given she couldn’t be similarly unaware of her own plan? No, not at all. And it wasn’t really a plan in the first place. A mere heartbeat ago Rin had no idea she was going to do it. It was a spur of the moment decision that could only be fully enjoyed as such, and that is why Rin acted on it the same instant it came to her mind. She purposely didn’t give herself a single fraction of a second to think it over, so that she couldn’t start analyzing what Len’s reaction might be, and had to wholly rely only on her trust for him. And this is how she was able to also enjoy the state of unconditional trust to the fullest.

Yes, this was all about trust. Had either of the twins’ trust in each other happened to be any less than absolute, this last moment of their life would have contained nothing but despair and regret. But they have passed this self-imposed test of trust brilliantly, and so instead their hearts were now filled only with tenderness. Such immeasurable loving tenderness that was impossible to experience by any other means. It required them to trust each other not just with their lives, as that would have meant simply trusting to keep each other from dying, quite petty in comparison with the real level of trust needed, which was trusting each other with their very deaths, a trust where one’s decision to kill another, no matter how sudden or unreasonable, did not even warrant an acceptance. And even that was not enough, as trust couldn’t be really experienced by merely having it, it had to be put into action by going all the way through with actually performing this leap of faith towards certain death. And that was why right now the twins have found themselves not at all afraid of that death, but embracing it wholeheartedly for how it allowed them to have this wonderful experience.

(part 1/2 due to apparently still low character limit)