>>15941
It needn't do anything like that. Help. I'm not someone that provides anything of value to anyone else, pity is wasted on me. I'm not even some attractive body in a gutter to be used like some lucky fantasy where I get to die without causing even more damage.

That's not an answer to your question, though: I managed to feel something other than dread and self pity for a few moments. I suppose I don't want to say it "helped" because then I wouldn't be able to allow myself to do it, with the way my conscious is...

In otherwords, the only way I can think about it is as trash coming to a place to be with trash like itself. I'm barely deserving of the comforts of a shelter, a blanket, and a daily warm meal. But I can't forsake those things without hurting anyone else, in my current living situation.

Worthless.

Tell me, if someone has no effect on the lives of those around them, if their disappearance would cause no change to the function of anyone they knew, is that different from being dead? If a tree falls in the forest, I guess. If you think about that as death, how close am I to dead right now?

I would say, only the unyielding connections of my mother and father.

...ah, I've spoken for too long. Soothing myself with self-loathing. What a pitiful thing to do. I'm so sorry for wasting your time. Your concern is a valuable thing, it's wasted on me. No one will benefit from it, and it will die with me; toxic, uneaten food rotting in my conscious.