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Preview
YJ_Anon
2022/08/09
(Tue)
13:17:29
No.
23531
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It's well written with some thought out world building. I hope you stick around and I'd be interested to read more of your work. As for constructive criticism...
>> As with all my stories, it is dialogue heavy and light on sexual details (which I choose to reserve to the reader's imagination!).
I respect that but I think it might have been just a little too light in this case. I myself have received this before, that a story of mine failed the "boner test". In this case a casually dropped erotic detail would have done a lot to fuel the reader's imagination.
Specifically the "disposal" is confusingly ambiguous. I'm left wondering if the story meant that she was simply euthanized like at the vet or if some sort of drawn out snuff porn was made.
An offhand reference to some part of the disposal would have helped like: "I think 'Winter loves riding ponies' was a fitting end her career and that the added cost of the horses and their trainers will be made up for when my daughter's longtime fans rush to get her terminal performance on limited edition holo-disc"
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23531
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Literature
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