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YJ_Anon
2022/08/10
(Wed)
21:05:01
No.
23540
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>> Unlike Hyde's excellent world, here kids aren't exactly stoked about being killed. Since this text is in the form of a newspaper report, the lack of any reference to how she felt about it is meant to convey how little people actually care about what the kids think.
>> Or, at least, that's what I'm going for! The fact that I have to explain it means I still have some work to do in conveying the message if subtlety is what I'm going for!
Yeah, I didn't get that impression from the story.
From a writing perspective I would have suggested a quote from her, something anxiously fearful like "please I don't want to die". However the paper would report this with a tone similar to 'kids say the darnest things' and reassure the reader that she did indeed meet a grissly end which can now be purchased for their viewing pleasure.
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23540
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Literature
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