I don't see that much resemblance to Aoi or Edward content probably more like that author who posted car fight story ( i think he is now "bones" on pixiv) and focuses on bodies that easily fall apart :)
the technical problem with your story was that it was a bit too hard to read and understand what is going on.
as things are quite random and unpredictable.
For better understanding I would recommend to describe things at least twice like first give some explanation whats is going to happen and why and later describe how it happens somewhat like Edward does or otherwise when story get very long it become hard to follow.

I personally did not like that q-knife idea that much. not as concept but about too much branding and advertising and also lots of pretty complex stuff which is hard to imagine.
In my opinion description of that technology should be either in the separate story or it could be just omitted entirely
because now all that tuff does not fit in the story very well.