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Al
2023/05/04
(Thu)
11:21:12
No.
24346
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Very promising story.
If i can do a bit of light criticism, I'm a bit puzzled by the "display body in public" went out of the window immediately after the contract.
Especially as I think it might have been fun. I guess the Twitch idea kinda plays towards that.
Another concern was about him having visibly no qualms about leaving his DNA basically everywhere.
Finally, I think you easily could spend more time describing the action and the feelings and thoughts of the characters before and as he's killing them. Right now it might be a bit too heavy on the setup and a bit too clinical as a result. I'd enjoy something more personal.
Other than these 3 criticisms, I really enjoy reading you and I look forward to more.
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