What is this feeling when you stand on the edge of a cliff?

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English: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47297542
Russian: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47297590

Existential Delight
(no characters, consensual, casual, falling from height)

You’re standing on the edge of a cliff. The vast expanse of the canyon stretches out before you, the wind whips around you, tugging your hair and clothes, and looking down you see the river winding its way through the canyon — a thin ribbon of blue that seems impossibly far away. The sheer drop from the edge of the cliff to the river below is dizzying and your head spins as you try to take it all in. What is this feeling arising deep within yourself?

At first, the idea of looking down at certain death might seem terrifying. You imagine the fear of losing control, of falling, of dying. But if you actually go and try it, if you get to the very edge and look down at the fatal drop, you will be pleasantly surprised to experience a very different and a very positive feeling.

This feeling is existential delight, a sense of liberation and freedom that comes from the realization that you can simply end your life right here, right now. Instead of losing control you’re gaining it, as nothing is holding you back, just as nothing is pushing you forward. Only your own whim separates your being from there being no you. The greatest leap takes a form of but a small step. One that is so delightfully easy to make!

The feeling of existential delight is unlike any other form of carefreeness. While dancing in the rain or quitting a job can be liberating and enjoyable, deep down there is always the knowledge that consequences will come eventually. Even in the midst of enjoying the moment, there is this nagging sense of responsibility. Throwing oneself off a cliff, on the other hand, is on a whole other level. In that moment, there is truly no past or future, no consequences or responsibilities. There is only the present moment, and the exhilarating freedom of nothing else mattering.

As you hurtle towards the ground, there is no need to pretend that only the current moment exists in order to enjoy it. The present moment is truly all there is and will ever be. This joy will never become just a memory, it is always a tangible reality that will persist as long as you do. This is what makes the carefreeness of existential delight so absolute — the complete and total surrender to the present moment and letting go of all the cares in the world.

Some might wonder why anyone would want to choose death over life. This question becomes irrelevant when you’re there, standing on the edge of a cliff. In that moment, there is no need for a reason or justification. The sheer fact that you can take that final step into the void is enough to inspire a sense of amusement and delight. The impulse to jump is not born out of a dark desire to die, but a pure desire to revel in the freedom and power of the moment. It is a celebration of life and how being alive puts you in control of that very life itself. It is the joy of dying not because you want, but because you can. It is the fun of dying not to escape life, but to enjoy it to the fullest.

Once this feeling overcomes you, there is no second-guessing. The decision to jump comes on a whim, without hesitation or doubts. It is a pure expression of freedom and spontaneity, a sheer childish enjoyment of life. So if you ever find yourself standing on the edge of a cliff, simply go and act on that impulse. Embrace the moment, revel in the freedom and power of ending your own existence, and take that final step into the void. For in that moment, you will experience the ultimate existential delight, and once you’re gone… then you will never regret it.

We hope you enjoy your trip to Grand Canyon National Park and have fun!