>>24745

> Like to me when she took off the ribbon she transitioned the focus to the guy's desires.

Well, yes, but no. Firstly, the story still follows Riley's perspective, and this expected to deliver her emotions and her conclusion, not the guy's. Secondly, there are no guy's emotions or conclusion anyway. The whole last part is just a list of events, which makes it feel rushed and uninspired.

Thirdly, this line:
> Someone else needed to die, and there was one option Riley had.
Establishes a completely opposite attitude. Riley needs a death to achieve satisfaction and that death might as well be her own. Her own satisfaction is her goal, and letting a random guy kill her is just a means of achieving it. This line is hot as hell, it's the hottest line in the story. But then it falls flat because the rest of the story doesn't follow the mood it establishes, it doesn't tell us how Riley gets satisfied with her death. Or if maybe she doesn't get satisfied and dies disappointed. Of if she doesn't get satisficed but is okay with it. Or even if you want to say it doesn't matter if she gets satisfied or not - well, the story doesn't say so, it just doesn't say anything.

> he was satisfying himself using her, which is exactly what she wanted
Yes, she wanted. Well then, did she get what she wanted? Or maybe it wasn't at all what she wanted? But then again maybe this getting not what she wanted was exactly what she wanted in the first place? The story just won't tell.

> The hanging was what he needed, not she, and saying anything about HER desires and needs at that point would be out of place. If that makes sense?
Sorry, but it doesn't. The story still goes on from her perspective, so we must see what's going on in her head, whatever it is. For example, it could go on about how the hanging is what he needed, not she. And what she felt about it. Or if she didn't felt about it. Or if it didn't matter what she felt about it. You're telling this to me now, but the story didn't tell me that. And once again, it being about him and not about her contradicts the earlier most hottest line in the story that was setting up the mood for the complete opposite.

The problem isn't that the story is bad (if it was downright bad, I wouldn't have bothered talking so much about it), but that it had all the chances of being great but then wasn't. The story starts good, then promises to get even better, and then doesn't do that… or anything. It ends up being blueballing in a story format, teasing and then not giving.