>>24748
A matter of preference, I'm afraid. I like the long explanations of internal state in your stories most of the time, but to me it's the actions and choices themselves that are hot. To me this lack of explanation / particular lack of internal state is where that gap between guro and reality lies.

I hear your criticism on the last part o the events falling flat, but I don't think I agree about *how* to solve it.

(I suppose I could have done more to communicate the guy's internal state, even from Riley's perspective - Riley's perspective is the point, she's the protagonist, but her perspective from that point is the removal of self. I could have perhaps communicated that better too, and believe me, I'm taking notes)

> The story still goes on from her perspective, so we must see what's going on in her head, whatever it is.
Well, I just disagree about how much reflection / explanation a guro story needs. What's going on in her head past that point is mostly just that she's in pain. She's not having philosophical epiphanies while dangling from one hand, just existing in the moment.

P.S. the previous message is also me, I forgot to put in the L