>>24777
No, no, don't get me wrong, I'm not telling L what to write. I'm just pointing out how to write it better. I'm talking about better storywriting, not about catering to a different fetish. L says the point of the story is about how Riley's feelings don't matter after she already consented. That's all good with me. I'm not arguing against this point. My problem is with how the story gets this point across… or rather how it doesn't really do that. Like, I wouldn't even know that was the point, as just before this scene the story states a different point - Riley needs someone to die for her satisfaction and it might as well be her. Then the story neither delivers on that nor communicates how the point has shifted to something else. Riley's feelings might not matter, but the reader's feelings must be directed at the point of the story - that's what it means to be the point of the story in the first place. And the ending of the story (the whole hanging scene) did a poor job directing the reader's feelings that way, or any way. That's where my problem with it lies, not in the choice of fetish.

Also I want to make clear I don't mean to shit on the whole story or L's whole writing. After all, this ending is bothering me so much exactly because up to a point the story was really great.