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Okay, so now I've read the story, and as expected I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand casual consensual hanging is hot, the part where she deliberately failed in order to get hanged is also hot, it reminded me of one of Edward Hyde's works (although I have to say I still liked it better there when it was part of overall fun fair atmosphere). On the other hand I can't help but find this kind of worldbuilding cringe... I dunno how to explain it, but it just feels on one hand like something a 12 year old ficwriter would write, on the other hand like you're trying to convince normies that it's actually legit literature and not fetish porn. And by that you're basically taking their side in believing there's something wrong with it just being fetish porn. Now, imagine if Harry Potter started with an explanation that the reason why wizards and witches exist is because centuries ago a virus changed humanity on a fundamental level, making a small portion of it capable of wielding new wonderous powers which they called magic. That's how it feels to me. Also the "paths" feel cringe too. In our world we also have kids who are better at studies or sports or who are just dicks, but we don't explain our school system as "a child can choose The Nerd Path, The Jock Path or The Delinquent Path", spell them with capitalization, and bring them up a dozen of times during a single lesson. This especially feels like something a 12 year old would write (and now I feel like unnecessary offending 12 year olds, 'cause surely they're not all like that). The mom's note is also confusing, because when it's introduced the natural assumption for the reader is that it's supposed to be read after the girl is hanged, but it looks like for all the characters involved the assumption is somehow to read it once the girl has the noose on her neck but not hanged yet... it's confusing how they arrive at this assumption and all agree on it without talking it through. Now, I don't want to sound all negative and discourage you from writing, it's just easier to point out specific parts I disliked than specific parts I liked. The parts of the story where you aren't trying to explain things and just let the action happen aren't bad written and arousing alright. I think it would've made a much better story if you just foregone the explanations and simply described a class where they play hangman by hanging a girl for real just because that's how they do it here.
Post number No.26323
Board Literature
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