>>26323
Ok, so ouch. I don't think I've had such a harsh review (aside from the troll) as long as I've been writing, and it's been about 10 years now. I've posted on several other forums and decided to try this one with something new.

I'll grant you that the world building adds a layer of something that isn't necessarily needed but it's in practically every movie out there, and many books, that have a different world than ours. Most of that is done as part of the story, but in a short work it's harder to do that... So I went out on a ledge with it. Clearly it bombed, so I'll just pack it up.

As for the note from the mother... Natalie told the teacher that it was to be read IF she found herself "in trouble." At the start of the game she wasn't. It wasn't until she lost that the note became relevant... and the contents of the note were to give the teacher information for DURING her snuff/execution/culling. The daughter hadn't read the note, but knew at some level, what it said.. or at least parts of it.