I don't know why people are giving you a hard time.

The story was great and if it were ANY more conceptual than it was I would have quickly lost interest.

As for length... It was GREAT!

The only note In have is that it would have been fun to actually see the booking girl's deaths. Maybe a drowning, a heat poisoning and maybe something like one of them accidentally choked on a veggie as she is trying to take a drink? Idk that last one sounds silly but you get what I mean.