“You’d better use the scissors to open those.” Laura cautioned as Samantha began to pick that the tape of the first one, one of the longer ones. For the first time, Josh did a quick count and saw that there were seven in total and that three were about a foot longer than the others. Still wondering what could possibly be inside, he watched as Samantha opened up the scissors and used the tip of one of the blades to very carefully slice through the tape along one long edge. She tried to grab whatever was inside but it seemed to not want to come out.

“Shall I give you a hand?” he offered, standing up and walking around the table. Samantha smiled gratefully and Josh took hold of the sides of the envelope, trying to grip tightly enough that it would not be pulled out of his hand but not so tightly that he would also stop the contents from being slid out.

“Careful!” Laura warned them a little nervously as they both began to tug in opposite directions. “I don’t know how robust those are! Don’t want it to snap!”

“We’re being careful, I promise!” Samantha assured her as something flat wrapped in bubble-wrap began to slide out of the envelope, eventually coming free entirely. Josh put the empty envelope aside and Laura also got up from the table for a better look as Samantha laid the object on the floor, carefully used the scissor to cut through the tape that held the protective packing in place and carefully unfolded it. What was inside seemed to be an irregularly shaped piece of white foam-board with a fold-out cardboard stand on the back. It was only when Samantha assembled the stand and stood the object up that Josh finally understood what it was and found himself feeling a little foolish for not having worked it out sooner. It was a life-size cutout of the kneeling picture, sans Santa hat, like those of celebrities often found in cinema lobbies or shops to promote their latest book or album. “This is to put on the table once I’m in the oven!” Samantha grinned.

“I see!” chuckled Josh as she carefully lifted her two-dimensional effigy and put it on the sofa to make room on the floor for the next one. “And what about these others?”

“Decorations for the hall!” she grinned. “We were going to do just one to put in the lobby as people arrived but we couldn’t decide which one so…”

“So you just did them all!” Josh laughed. “Let’s see them, then!” Grinning, Samantha fetched one of the shorter envelopes, this one mostly square. Josh wondered if it was just a head-and-shoulders shot, thus making it smaller, but once they had repeated their collaboration to pull it out, he saw that it was folded in half. This one was a life-size version of Sidney-Samantha giving the salute and, credit to the manufacturers, the line across her belly where the two halves met was barely visible. A sort of cardboard spine swung upwards from the fold-out stand and could be locked into position on the back of the head, with two smaller clips along the join to keep everything in place. “We should stand that one in your bedroom window and get the neighbours talking!” Josh laughed, making Samantha giggle as she fetched the next one, another of the longer ones this time.

“These are for the edge of the stage.” she explained as they performed their now-perfected double-act. “One on each side! Ooh it’s this one!” she grinned as she recognised the shape of the cutout.

“Oh my!” Josh chuckled a little awkwardly as this third life-size image was revealed. It was not one that he recognised from what he had been shown already and he was sure he would have remembered if had seen it! It had clearly been taken sat on a flat surface, the back of the sofa, perhaps, to simulate the edge of the stage and showed Samantha in her elf costume grinning confidently, crouching on the with her knees raised and slightly splayed, not so much as in the roasting pictures perhaps but more than enough to leave nobody in any doubt as to what was between her legs. Her hands were positioned so that she would look as if she were holding onto the edge of whatever surface she was put on, the fingers curling downwards. “Well, that’s one for the mantle-piece!” Josh chuckled, surprised that he could still find and explicit photograph of his little girl so flustering considering all their recent escapades. He supposed it was a mixture of her confident grin and the fact that this image was life-sized and meant for public display. “Quite the conversation piece!”

“Glad you like it, Daddy!” Samantha giggled. “It’s one of my favourites!” She fetched the other of the same size. “Maybe you could take it into work with you for your friends to enjoy?” She suggested cheekily. “Sit it on top of the coffee machine?” Josh gave her a slight from of disapproving amusement and shook his head.

“Don’t worry,” Laura teased him as the look on his face betrayed his thoughts. “This one’s positively demure!” Once again Samantha carefully unfolded the bubble-wrap and lifted the figure inside. “On, we really need somewhere to put that one…” Laura pondered for a moment as she remembered this particular cut-out’s unique feature. “Here.” She cleared a space on the front of her desk by pushing her keyboard back and everything else to the side. “This should do!” Samantha eagerly set up the cutout on the desk and Josh instantly saw what made it so special.

This one was also taken with Samantha apparently sat on a flat surface but in her Sidney costume this time and instead of curled over the edge of whatever she was sitting on, her hand were out by her sides, palms down as if resting on the same surface on which she sat. She had one knee forward and the rest of that leg bent across in front of her with the booted ankle under the other which hung down in front. She was giving a very Sidney-esque smile to the camera with her head slightly tilted to one side.

“That’s actually really cool!” Josh nodded approvingly. “Lovely arty picture too!”

“Thank you!” Samantha beamed and Laura, as the photographer and editor of the photograph, looked justifiably proud too.

“So,” Josh looked at the remaining square envelopes. “Shall we take a look at the last three?” By the time they were finished, the room was filled with Samanthas grinning at them from all angles, an effect which was quite surreal to experience. Of the remaining three standees, one was Samantha in her snowballing outfit, still standing square-on to the camera but this time in the process of moulding a snowball in front of her, presumably to give the cutout a more solid and durable shape with fewer extremities potentially prone to breaking off, one was in her persona as a cheeky elf, one hand on her hip and an over-sized candy-cane in the other, again held slightly in front of her body to provide an easier outline, and the final one was another Sidney pose, the same as the front of the calendar with Samantha showing off her lovely meaty rump.

“So what do you think, Daddy?” Samantha grinned, looking around at her multiple effigies. “Pretty cute, hug?”

“They are indeed!” he agreed, his heart warmed by his daughter’s enthusiasm. “They’ll give the decorations a lovely, personal touch on the day!” Samantha seemed very happy to hear that.

“You have to keep this one somewhere else until I’m in the oven ‘though.” she reminded him, patting the kneeling figure which was currently on the sofa as if watching the TV after a bath. “Then it can take my place.”

“I’m sure we can manage that!” Josh chuckled. “But we should probably get these carefully wrapped back up now so that they stay perfect for party.” Samantha agreed and the three of them quickly got to work. Within twenty minutes, the standees that needed to be were folded back up and all were back in their protective layer of bubble-wrap. Thinking it was probably the safest place for them, Josh put them on a high shelf at the back of the garage, close to the recently-disturbed boxes of Christmas and Halloween decorations. By the time he came back inside, his wife and daughter had piled the printed goodies carefully to one side of the table and Laura appeared to be in organising mode again, her famous notepad in front of her.

“I’ve finalised the guest list,” she explained, tapping the bottom of the list with her pen to show the two most recently-added names. “Now I’m working out who needs their own individual invite and who can get a couple of family one.”

“Won’t we end up with a lot of spares?” Josh asked, picking up the pile of invitation of which he had been told there were twenty five and thinking they could probably got away with ordering half as many. Not that it likely would have changed the final total all that much, especially with the seven life-size cutouts. Still, he could not begrudge his little girl anything that would make her couple of weeks of life the happiest they could be and he resolved at that point to try not to look at any of the receipts or invoices until at least Boxing Day!

“It’s always good to have extras.” his ever-sensible wife reminded him. “Plus honestly, for Christmas invites we’ve left this pretty late, even if we get them posted out first class first thing tomorrow! I know quite a lot of the people we’re inviting were more or less expecting to spend Christmas with us anyway, but still… I can’t see anyone really wanting to turn down a taste of Sammie,” she looked up and grinned, “but some might already have plans they can’t get out of! You did tell Aaron to expect an invitation, didn’t you?”

“Oh yes!” Josh grinned. “Although I didn’t tell him any more than that we were having a get-together at Christmas and we’d love him and his daughter to join us!”

“Did you find out his daughter’s name?” she asked, pen hovering, “Feels a bit rude or impersonal to write ‘And Daughter’ on the invite!”

“Rachel.” Josh smiled. “Sorry, I meant to tell you before.”

“No problem.” Laura crossed out the word “Daughter” on her list and replaced it with the girl’s actual name. “You can give him his invitation on at work on Monday. Sammie can take hers to school and we can pop Miranda’s over to her later but the rest will have to go in the post. It’s too late for them to go today now,” she checked the time on her phone, “but the post office is open until nine so if we get them written and addressed now we can take them down after dinner and...crap!” She suddenly sat up, slapping herself in the forehead.

“What?” Josh frowned, surprised by his wife’s uncharacteristic outburst.

“I got so caught up in the videos you sent,” she explained apologetically, “then all of this,” she gestured around herself at the unpacked delivery, “I’ve not even thought about what we’re supposed to have for dinner and it’s already…”

“It’s okay!” Josh raised his hands to calm her, happy with the opportunity presented to play the hero. “You two do the invitations while I go get us a pizza, then we can all take a walk to the post office.”

“Oh, would you?” Laura sighed with relief. “You’re a life-saver!”

“Get garlic bread too!” Samantha insisted with great urgency.

“Of course!” grinned Josh.

“With cheese!”

“Is there any point otherwise?” he chuckled. “Anything else?”

“Umm…” Samantha thought for a moment. “Potato wedges and garlic twists!”

“Your wish is my command, m’lady!” He gave a dramatic, sweeping bow. “After all, got to get our turkey fattened up, haven’t we?” Samantha giggled very cutely then blew her beloved Daddy a kiss before leaning forward to check the list her mum was finalising.

When he returned a little over forty minutes later, armed with two extra-large pizzas, cheesy garlic bread, garlic twists, potato wedges and a side of chicken strips, he found all the party favours packed away, the invitations now in their envelopes on the coffee table with the small pile of spares beside them and the table set for dinner, complete with a large bottle of Cola for Samantha and a dry white wine for him and his wife, both chilled to perfection. Samantha had changed out of her school uniform but, following the advice of the butcher, was wearing loose-fitting jogging bottoms so as not to chafe her meat-stamp. He set the food down on the table, receiving strong verbal approval from Samantha as he spread it out, and the three of them happily tucked in.

After dinner, since there had been no actual cooking and they had eaten with their fingers, Samantha took the plates and glasses and left them in the sink to be washed later. Although it had seemed like an awful lot of food when his order was handed to him, Josh was not at all surprised to find that it had all been polished off. When he was a young boy, his mum had joked that he seemed to have hollow legs since he could eat what seemed like his own bodyweight without feeling uncomfortably full and Samantha seemed to have inherited this trait!

“So, what did you write on the invitations?” Josh asked as Samantha put her trainers on and Laura sorted the pile of envelopes into those which had to be posted and those which could be hand-delivered.

“I hope you can come, I promise to be delicious!” Samantha informed him with a proud grin.

“Well who could resist such an invitation?” Josh grinned equally broadly. “Shall we take the one for Miranda and her girls with us?” he suggested to his wife. “We can hand it to them on the way back? Or the way there.” he added with a shrug. Laura agreed this was a very good idea and slipped the envelope with the three names on the front but no address into her handbag, not wanting to risk it getting mixed up with the ones for posting that she had put into a carrier bag.

As usual when they visited the post office which was actually just a counter inside the local convenience store, run by a very personable Indian family, Josh allowed Samantha to choose a packet and sweets and selected a bottle of wine to replace the one they had drunk over dinner in the fridge. Reminding him of his assertion that they needed to help her fatten for her big day, she requested and was granted a bar of Whole Nut chocolate and a Toblerone to go with the bag of fizzy cola bottles.

“Very snazzy envelopes!” the sweet proprietress remarked as she added the first class stamps to each one. “Very festive!” She handed them the proof of postage receipt, assuring them that they would be sent by first post the next day.

“Right!” Laura grinned once the snacks and wine were paid for. “Let’s go see Miranda!”


To be continued...