“This will be your table, ladies!” the young man smiled, directing them to a small, circular table quite close to the stage and waiting for them to get settled, offering to take their coats. “Would you like to order some drinks?” he asked with the coats over his arm. The politely placed their orders and he promised to be right back, returning just over a minute later without the coats but now carrying a tray of drinks which he passed out to them without needing to be reminded who had ordered what. “Do you know what you’d like to order?” he asked with a friendly smile, “or would you like a few minutes to look at the menu?”

“Well I have this?” Samantha passed him the voucher a little nervously. “Does that limit what we can order?”

“Absolutely not!” he grinned. “It entitles you to one main meal, one dessert and two drinks each.” he smiled. “And yes,” he anticipated their next question. “That includes the carvery!” The girls all quickly looked at each other and nodded in silent but excited agreement.

“Then that’s what we’ll have!” Samantha beamed. “Three carveries, please!”

“Sure thing!” grinned the man whose local contrasted amusingly with his American-style good looks. “I’ll be right back with your lanyards!” The girls sipped their drinks while they waited and, from their seats, watched as the roast girl’s spit was lifted off the frame by black-shirted workers and carried to the serving counter where the delicious carcass was transferred to a platter and the spit slid out. Next the girl in the oven was taken out and put out beside her spit-roasted companion to sit for a few minutes before being served.

“Don’t they normally have other girls ready to put straight on?” Caroline asked, a little puzzled, noticing that there didn’t seem to be anyone ready to take the cook girls’ place. A few guests, mostly younger children in need of entertainment and a handful of adults who could potentially have been the meat-girls’ families, come to see them off, were stood watching proceedings but nowhere near as many as would be expected to watch the live spitting of the next roaster.

“Yeah…” Samantha frowned. “I wonder if something’s wrong?” Just then, the young man returned to the table, hands clasped apologetically and an awkward smile on his face.

“Is everything okay?” Caroline asked.

“Well here’s the thing,” he wrung his hands a little and glanced from side to side a little furtively. “The girls who were supposed to be next up in the public cooking area are no-shows for some reason and all the other live girls we have in the kitchen have been pre-ordered by private bookings so under clause seven, paragraph three of our terms and conditions that you agreed to when you made your booking, we’re going to have to commandeer your meat to take their place so if you could please follow me to…”

“Wait!” Samantha exclaimed, alarmed. “You’re going to cook us now? But I’m supposed to be Christmas dinner for my family!”

“Your families will be well-compensated.” he assured her. “Now if you could…”

“Can’t we call our mum at least?” Ella pleaded. “So she doesn’t get worried when we don’t come home?”

“Oh yeah!” Samantha exclaimed. “My dad’s just outside in the car and I know he left his number at reception so if you could just…”

“I’m sorry!” the young man’s face cracked into a broad grin. “I wanted to keep it going longer but I just couldn’t! I’m kidding!” The girls all burst into relieved giggles, realising that he had been playing a prank. “Can you imagine if booking a table here really came with the risk that you might end up on the menu? We’d be out of business pretty quickly!”

“I don’t know!” Caroline giggled. “Could be all part of the excitement?”

“Well you’re safe for tonight!” he chuckled, producing three lanyards with laminated cards hung from them that had presumably been tucked into his belt. “Here you go, one each!” he handed them out. “These entitle you to ninety minutes access to the carvery starting from the time stated on them,” he explained, “it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet but we do ask that you don’t take more than you think you can finish. We try to avoid waste here wherever possible and there’s no limit to the number of refills you can get in that time so take it steady and enjoy!” The girls all happily put their passes around their necks, very excited for their meal. “The equipment’s being cleaned just now,” he informed them, explaining why the next batch of girls had not yet come out, “so I’ve set your start time to fifteen minutes from now. The new girls should be out in about five minutes then once they’re cooking, the carvery will open again which should be just about when your time starts. Any issues, let me know!” he smiled. “And thanks for being such good sports!” The girls grinned and thanked him, happy that he had felt relaxed enough to prank them and wondering if he did the same with every unaccompanied group of eligible girls.

“That was a close one!” Samantha giggled once he had walked away to check on another of his tables. “Thought we were gonners then!”

“I wouldn’t have minded really.” Ella admitted thoughtfully. “But I would have liked to be able to say goodbye to Mummy first!”

“Let’s go see those mermaids!” Caroline suggested, standing up and pushing her chair in so that it would not be in anyone’s way. The others agreed and followed her over to the artificial lagoon where the smaller girls were still chatting to the purple mermaid.

“Well hello there!” the red mermaid who looked a little older than the others, perhaps fourteen or fifteen but with small, perky boobs that clearly did not yet require any support. “I see you’ve got Nick as your server. Did he try his prank on you?”

“The one about saying they needed us to fill in on the menu?” Samantha giggled. “Yes! Does he do that a lot?”

“When he thinks he can get away with it!” The mermaid who was brushing her long, bright red wig with a shell-shaped brush chuckled. “He used to do it a lot more until one girl burst into tears and they ended up having to comp her meal!”

“Oops!” Caroline giggled.

“Yeah, bit of a failure to read the room on the occasion, so he’s a lot more careful who he picks on now.” the mermaid chuckled again, “although you’d be surprised how many girls just get up and go to follow him! He took one group all the way into the kitchen once and only came clean once they started to undress!”

“Oh wow!” laughed Samantha. “How long have you been a mermaid here for? Ever thought of being on the menu yourself?”


To be continued...