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I liked this intro. It made me chuckle how quickly it went downhill from "we have this type of fantasy" to "we're going to cook my family for thanksgiving" :)

As mentioned above, try sticking with writing in only first person or third person perspective. Switching between them mid-paragraph made it very confusing.

Keep writing, I'd love to read about the thanksgiving and how unphased the characters gonna be :)
Post number No.28901
Board Literature
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