>>29112
As I pointed out I'm no native speaker (of english of course). So if I list a false positive please correct me in return. From what I have read between the lines you are living in GB, which I know is no guaranty, that english is your first language, though your username implies this.

> the fact you had to guess meant they were not clear so I re-wrote some of them a little or broke them into smaller sentences
Smaller bits are much easier to consume ‒ may it be (girl-)meat or text. ;)
I can't stress it enough to use shorter text passages. You managed it more than once to fill one paragraph with only one sentence ‒ and I'm not talking about one or two liners. :p

With your kind approval I switched ‒ more or less involuntarily ‒ into proof-reader-mode the moment I started reading the next chapter. 8)
Unfortunately this slows down my reading speed and brings up a lot more issues than normal. X)

>>29111
> “ONE! TWO!…” all the guests counted as Rachel began to jump, pleased to see as she did so that everyone to some extent but especially the two pre-teen boys were moving their heads up and down to follow her big, firm teen boobs as the bounced up and down.
Typo: they
“ONE! TWO!…” all the guests counted as Rachel began to jump, pleased to see as she did so that everyone to some extent but especially the two pre-teen boys were moving their heads up and down to follow her big, firm teen boobs as they bounced up and down.

Laura and Gramps were back shortly after and Laura swapped with Josh once last time so that he could join in the final rounds of the game.
Typo: one
Laura and Gramps were back shortly after and Laura swapped with Josh one last time so that he could join in the final rounds of the game.

> He timing was off by a second or two as, when she turned round having stopped the music, it was Grandpa, her father-in-law, who was holding the parcel, the final layer wrapped in colourful Christmas paper as the outside had been, but just as she hoped, he passed it back to little Rosie who sat between him and Grandma.
Typo: Her
Her timing was off by a second or two as, when she turned round having stopped the music, it was Grandpa, her father-in-law, who was holding the parcel, the final layer wrapped in colourful Christmas paper as the outside had been, but just as she hoped, he passed it back to little Rosie who sat between him and Grandma.

>>29117
> Only the lights at the front of the hall near the stage had been on so that Samantha could clearly be seen by the guests as they arrived, the semi-darkness facilitating the party atmosphere at the other end of the hall by allowing the disco light and other decorative illuminations to to truly shine but now Josh put the middle section of lights on too so that the tables and everything on them would be well-lit.
Doubling: to
Only the lights at the front of the hall near the stage had been on so that Samantha could clearly be seen by the guests as they arrived, the semi-darkness facilitating the party atmosphere at the other end of the hall by allowing the disco light and other decorative illuminations to to truly shine but now Josh put the middle section of lights on too so that the tables and everything on them would be well-lit.

> On other branch of the table, Caroline was sat next to Amanda then Ella by her side and then their mother Miranda.
Omission: the
On the other branch of the table, Caroline was sat next to Amanda then Ella by her side and then their mother Miranda.

The photographs of Samantha in her various costumes were a great hit, as were the calendars but the books, novelties and everything else that had been so lovingly picked out, wrapped and packed into the stockings either by Samantha herself or under her close supervision were very well received!
Is it a mistake or an englisch expression unknown to me: but vs. and? If it's the latter, please teach me about it.
The photographs of Samantha in her various costumes were a great hit, as were the calendars and the books, novelties and everything else that had been so lovingly picked out, wrapped and packed into the stockings either by Samantha herself or under her close supervision were very well received!

> Supporting her roasted daughter’s head with one hand, she carefully brushed out her golden hair while, as they had all hoped, had remained as pretty as ever but was now mostly dry, gently steaming as the rest of the water that had been trapped in by the foil evaporated.
Same problem here: while vs. which?
Supporting her roasted daughter’s head with one hand, she carefully brushed out her golden hair which, as they had all hoped, had remained as pretty as ever but was now mostly dry, gently steaming as the rest of the water that had been trapped in by the foil evaporated.

> Everyone returned to their seats and Josh and watched hungrily as Josh began to carve.
Remains from editing or on purpose: and Josh?
Everyone returned to their seats and watched hungrily as Josh began to carve.

> The meat under the skin was pinkish-white and he cut the slices quite thickly, placing them on another, smaller platter from which people could help themselves, working his way around Samantha’s meaty thigh until he was down to the bone, resulting in the rather comical impression that her right leg was pegged onto the rest her her body with a stick.
Doubling/Omission: her/of
The meat under the skin was pinkish-white and he cut the slices quite thickly, placing them on another, smaller platter from which people could help themselves, working his way around Samantha’s meaty thigh until he was down to the bone, resulting in the rather comical impression that her right leg was pegged onto the rest of her body with a stick.

>>29119
>Wanting to make sure that there was plenty of cut meat so that he could relax and enjoy his own dinner, Josh sliced Samantha’s right thigh and buttock and added it to the platter, taking two thick slices of each for himself before adding potatoes, some of each kind of sausage, a big scoop of the stuffing he and Samantha had made together earlier, their last real Daddy-Daughter activity, and a good selection of veggies from the assorted terrines, before taking his seat between his wife and new daughter.
Logical: right/left. Samantha's right thigh and buttock are already carved.
Wanting to make sure that there was plenty of cut meat so that he could relax and enjoy his own dinner, Josh sliced Samantha’s left thigh and buttock and added it to the platter, taking two thick slices of each for himself before adding potatoes, some of each kind of sausage, a big scoop of the stuffing he and Samantha had made together earlier, their last real Daddy-Daughter activity, and a good selection of veggies from the assorted terrines, before taking his seat between his wife and new daughter.

> “So,” Laura asked Rob once she saw that he had consumed the very special piece that Samantha had promised him, a piece that he had avoided eating first and had kept on the side of his plate, ready to savour when the time was right, “did you sister have tasty tits?”
Typo: your
“So,” Laura asked Rob once she saw that he had consumed the very special piece that Samantha had promised him, a piece that he had avoided eating first and had kept on the side of his plate, ready to savour when the time was right, “did your sister have tasty tits?”


I'm afraid this really takes to much space between your chapters. Although I explained in >>29108 why I provide whole sentences, this also could be shortened. Can you give me a hint which length suits your needs? Or is there another adressing scheme you prefer (like cryptographic: Chapter X, Word Y, Character Z. *LOL*)?