A Farmer’s Market Feast
By
Edward Hyde
“Here I am, Mummy! All clean!” Carmen declared, stepping out of the shower, pink and dripping wet. He turned all around on the spot to show that he had washed himself properly as his proud mother knelt on the bathroom floor.

“Good boy!” she praised him. “I’m so proud of you doing that all by yourself!” Carmen beamed. This was not just a normal shower with normal soap. This time he had needed to scrub himself all over with the clear, unscented body-wash which felt like it had sand mixed into it to make sure all the dirt came out of his skin and made him safe to eat. The last thing he wanted was to give anyone a tummy-ache! Mummy had offered to get in with him and help but he was a big boy and had wanted to do it on his own, something he had successfully down, even remembering to scrub deep in the crack of his bottom and to pull back the skin at the end of his willy to clean underneath. “I think that deserves a special kiss!” Carmen’s beam of pride turned into a broad grin of excitement! Mummy’s special kisses were one of his favourite things but normally they were reserved for bed time and then only when he had been a very good boy that day!

Licking her lips a little as she leaned forward, his mum took Carmen’s little willy between her thumb and forefinger. Already a little stiff from the excitement and anticipation of the day’s events to come, she massaged it gently until it stood at full attention then put her warm, soft lips around it. This was the first time Carmen could remember getting a special kiss standing up! Normally they happened when he was laying in bed, his pyjama bottoms pulled down to his knees and his top hitched up past his tummy. For balance, he put his hands on his mum’s shoulders as she sucked and licked him at the same time, giving him that nice tingly feeling. After a few minutes, he felt the pressure building behind his willy as his mum tickled his little marble sack with with tips of her fingers then the familiar happy explosion and the last bit of licking as Mummy hungrily sucked the last few drops of thin, watery cream from the tip of his willy.

“Good boy!” she grinned, standing up and reaching for a towel to dry him off. “There!” she patted his bare bottom once he was reasonably dry. “Go put on your outfit and we’ll get going!” A few minutes later, Carmen was downstairs in his denim dungarees, plaid shirt and baseball cap with the logo of a farm equipment company on it that Uncle Silas had given him on his visit to the farm. On his feet he wore bright red wellington boots that, to his seven year old eyes at least, completed the farmer look.

It had been three years since Uncle Silas had quit his job in the city and bought the long-disused farm with its ramshackle house and barn, complete with leaking roof and toilet that only flushed if it was in a good mood, with the intention of not only doing up the house to make a nice home but also working the farm to grow potatoes. He had enjoyed a certain degree of success, although it would be another couple of years at least before he actually turned a profit, given the amount of investment that had been required to get things going! Although wholesale was his biggest outlet, he did like to sell to the public as well via a small roadside stand near the entrance to his property and now he wanted to break into the ready-to-go food market via a baked potato stand and the local farmer’s market which was held on the first Sunday of every month.

Of course the competition was hot, given the limited clientele and a pitch big enough to prepare, cook and serve the potatoes did not come cheap! This first attempt was an experiment to see if he could make enough money to make it worth while booking again, using mostly borrowed or second-hand equipment and with his niece and nephew volunteering their meat to help him out so that his potatoes could have a tasty filling. If things went went and he decided to attend again, he would have to factor the cost of meat into the equation but for now, his family were very keen to give him the best possible chance of success.

The car journey took a little more than an hour, during which Carmen alternated between watching educational videos about farming and playing farm-related games on his tablet. Eventually they arrived in the little market town with its pretty stone architecture and his mum parked the car, relieved to find that, since they were still relatively early and the market was still being set up, there was still plenty of space in the car park. Holding his mum’s hand and leaving his tablet in the car since he wasn’t going to be needing it any more, Carmen walked into the half-constructed market to look for Uncle Silas’ pitch.

As well as the stalls selling cheese, preserves and jars of artisan pickles, the mountains of eggs, vegetables and fruit, were a number of stands that would be selling fresh, hot food and among these Carmen saw one where a pair of spits were being set up with the assistance of a naked boy and girl in their mid-teens who would clearly be riding them fairly soon as delicious hog-roasts.

“Hey there you are!” Carmen heard a familiar voice and looked up to see his cousin Sarah running towards him, arms outstretched for a hug. He dropped his mum’s hand so he would be able to hug her back when she reached him. He and Sarah were very similar in age, having been born just a couple of weeks apart, and had always been close and enjoyed hanging out, although Sarah had always been the bolder and more adventurous of the two! As she ran towards him, her wild, wavy, golden-blond hair flying out around her like a mane, he noticed that, aside from a broad-brimmed straw sun-hat and a pair of pink wellington boots with a unicorn design on them, she was completely naked! “Finally!” she launched herself at him when she got close enough, pulling him into a tight bear-hug. “I thought I was gonna have to go in the pot on my own! Have you seen this place?” she exclaimed, stepping back a little and holding his hands. “It’s so cool! They’re setting up fro a proper livestock auction at the end there.” She pointed towards the other end of the row of stands and stalls. “They’ve got boys and girls from like four years old up to adults, all getting sold for their meat!” She grinned breathlessly at him then her face fell a little as she noticed his outfit. “Hey!” she frowned. “How come you’re dressed! You do know meat doesn’t wear clothes, right?”

“Yeah!” Carmen blushed a little. “I just thought, you know, until we got here…” It was fairly obvious from the lack of tan-lines on Sarah’s cute, honey-coloured body that she she had spent as much as possible of the last four weeks, since they had agreed to help out, naked outside, something that Carmen had been too shy to do. Sarah gave a sigh, rolled her eyes and muttered “Boys!” under her breath then took his hand again.

“Come on!” she began to tug him. “I’ll show you uncle Silas’ stall! Hi Auntie Carol!” she waved at his mum, almost as an afterthought. “My Daddy’s around here somewhere! He said he was going to go find a place that sold coffee but I think he just wanted another look at the girls in the pen by the auction place!” She giggled as she shared this observation then began to drag Carmen down the row of stalls. “Here we are!” she declared proudly as they reached the stall where Uncle Silas and his boyfriend Ken were setting up the stall for the day.

Considering how thrown-together the whole thing was, it looked surprisingly professional, an impression helped by the printed banner which hung across the top of the awning identifying them as “Potter’s Farm Organic Potatoes” There was a large display of fresh, raw potatoes from the farm, brushed clean but not washed, leaving a little soil clinging to them an adding to the impression of freshness. Behind this were a pile of crates from which the display could be replenished if people just wanted to buy the potatoes to take and cook at home.

“Wow!” Carmen exclaimed, genuinely impressed, picking one up and turning it around in his hand like a precious dragon egg. “They’re so big!”

“That’s because they’re grown with love!” Uncle Silas grinned. “And why they need a good amount of filling! Hi kiddo!” He took Carmen’s hat off, ruffled his hair then put it back on back to front, a playful bit of teasing that had become their traditional greeting over the years. “Great to see you! Thanks for doing this, it will help me out a lot!”

“No problem!” Carmen grinned up at his uncle, turning his cap back around the right way. “Happy to help!”

“Oven’s ready, I think!” Ken came over, wiping his brow with a handkerchief. “We probably should have tested it after we cleaned it but hey-ho! Oh!” he noticed Carmen and looked down at him with a grin. “The rest of our meat delivery arrived!” Carmen giggled. “Those dungarees might be a bit chewy!”

“I did tell him!” Sarah sighed dramatically. “But he’s being shy!”

“Hey!” Carmen protested without any real anger. “I just said I was wearing clothes until I arrived! I can take them off now!”

“Go on then!” Sarah instructed a little abruptly, putting her hands on her hips, head titled to one side and an eyebrow raised. Realising that the time had come to strip off, Carmen took off his cap and looked around for where to put it. Sarah held out her hand and he passed it to her then started to unclip the straps of his dungarees.

“I’d better get the gas hooked up to the crock-pot.” Ken observed with a weary sigh, returning to his work. The other side of the stall consisted of a table with condiments, a cup of disposable wooden forks and a cash box, behind which was a large portable oven for cooking baked potatoes and a black iron crock-pot, both of which Silas had found in the barn, cleaned up and restored to a usable condition. The crock-pot was of particular interest to Carmen as it was where he and Sarah would getting very cosy in the very near future.

With the straps unclipped, Carmen’s dungarees dropped, catching on the top of his boots which he awkwardly pulled off, using the nearby table to steady himself. After stepping out of his dungarees, picking them up and passing them to Sarah he undid the top few buttons of his shirt and pulled it off, leaving him in just his underpants with the Superman logo on the front. Like Sarah, his hair was blonde and usually cut neatly but was getting a little longer so that his fringe flopped in his eyes since his mum thought it a bit of a waste to get it cut again under the circumstances. With Sarah watching with the same air as a teacher supervising a rowdy class, he pulled down his underpants, revealing his pale, round bottom, stubby little willy and cute oyster-pouch below.

“There!” Sarah grinned. “Much better! Although you might want to put your boots back on!”

“Why?” Carmen asked, puzzled.

“So we can go explore, of course!” Sarah giggled. “There’s loads of cool things I want to show you before we cook!”

“Oh!” Carmen blushed deeply, covering his privates with his hands. “So why did you tell me to get undressed now? Couldn’t I have kept my clothes on until…”

“Nope!” Sarah declared confidently. “You’re meat! Just like me! And meat doesn’t wear clothes!”

“Go on you two!” Uncle Silas chuckled. “Go have fun. Just be back in half an hour so we can get you cooking!”

“Thought I might find you here!” Carmen’s mum chuckled, spotting her brother standing by the pen where the boys and girls for auction were being held, making a show of looking through the catalogue as if he were seriously planning a purchase rather than just taking the opportunity to enjoy the young naked teen girls who were milling around, chatting, passing the time until they would be called up on stage and their meat auctioned.

“Oh, hey!” He turned and kissed her on the cheek. “Carmen looking forward to his big day?”

“I think so!” Carmen’s mum chuckled. “Either way, it seems like he’s in capable hands with Sarah!” They both laughed affectionately. “So, tell me,” she smiled, “did you ever find a place to get coffee or did you get distracted?”

“A little distracted, I’m afraid.” her brother admitted sheepishly, rolling the auction catalogue and shoving it into his back pocket. “But how about we go searching together? You’ve always been good at keeping me on task!”

Since it was already a hot day despite the relatively early hour, Uncle Silas suggested that Carmen put his hat back on while they went exploring to offer a little protection from the sun. A bit of sunburn wouldn’t be an issue, given what was planned for the children, but the last thing he needed was his tasty little nephew getting sun-stroke and starting to throw up or passing out before he was in the pot, muddying the question of consent should he be challenged. Of course all the relevant papers had been signed to give him the legal right to cook the children but they still technically had the right to back out so he needed them conscious and coherent for the start of the cooking process. So, looking cute and delicious but rather comical, the blonde cousins set off in nothing but hats and boots, holding hands, to explore the market.

First, Sarah led Carmen to the auction area, showing him the stage where the meat-girls and boys would be displaying themselves and introducing him to some of those waiting in the pen, all of whom had their lot number written in marker pen on their right shoulder and left buttock. Then she took him around the back, behind the screen set up to shield what was behind from the public, where all the butchering equipment was set up. Clean and standing idle for the moment but ready to be put to deadly efficient use as soon as things got rolling. It was not a restricted area as such and the curious were welcome to go and watch, as long as they stayed behind the railings of course so as to not get in the way of the butchers as they worked, but not everyone, as Sarah reminded Carmen, likes to think too much about how their meat goes from cute, giggling girl to the food on their plate!

Lots of the stalls were just fruit and veg of course, although the lady setting up a fancy cheese display did give them a little sample to try. If they hadn’t been going to be cooked and served themselves, they both agreed that you could put together a very fine lunch with a mixture of the fresh bread, strong, flavoured cheeses and cured meats on sale, even without patronising any of the hot food stands, many of which were serving Boy or Girl in some form or another. Several stall-holders, in fact, noticing how they were dressed, asked if they were for sale but Sarah always politely but confidently informed them that they were already spoken for. It was clear that Uncle Silas was going to be given a run for his money and they were very happy to be helping him out.

When they got back to the potato stand, their parents were already there, coffees in hand along with a box of pastries they had picked up to share with Silas and Ken.

“Here come our main ingredients!” Silas grinned as the cousins came into view. “Perfect timing! We were just saying we’d need to get you started soon. The children grinned happily as he looked them over thoughtfully for a moment. “We need to get you shaved first.” he explained. “Nobody likes hair in their food after all!” They both giggled. “Ken’s going to do the honours if you don’t mind. He’s pretty good at that sort of thing.”

“Of course!” Sarah smiled breezily. “Whatever you need! We’re you’re ingredients after all!”

“The recipe we’re doing is actually my Grandma’s!” Ken explained cheerfully as the children took off their boots and hats and came to stand on the old blanket he had set out to catch their hair. “Her barbecue pulled pork was legendary in my family! That’s why we thought it would make the perfect topping! Of course she never made a batch as big as this!” he chuckled, picking up a batter-powered hair trimmer. “Right! Who’s first?”

“I’ve got less hair so you should do me first for practice.” Carmen volunteered gamely. He grinned at his mum and gave a thumbs-up when he saw she was filming on her phone and then giggled as he felt the clippers buzzing against his scalp. His blonde hair fell away in chunks which landed on the blanket below, apart from a few hairs which got stuck to his nude little body on the way down.

“Don’t worry.” Uncle Silas assured them, noticing these rogue hairs and watching Sarah trying to brush them off Carmen’s skin with her hands. “I’ll be hosing you both down before you go in the pot.” This seemed to satisfy them, although Carmen couldn’t help finding the hairs that clung to him irritating and itchy. Soon his hair was reduced to stubble, like a field of corn that had just been harvested, and it was Sarah’s turn. The change was more dramatic for her as he long, thick hair fell away and dropped onto the blanket.

“Is it just getting thrown away?” Sarah asked a little sadly as he golden locks piled up around her feet.

“Oh no.” Ken smiled reassuringly. “We’ll gather it up in a bowl or something and leave it outside so the birds all around the farm can take it for their nests. It’s perfect for that sort of thing, and of course completely biodegradable too so much more eco-friendly than some of the other stuff they manage to scavenge!” This idea pleased Sarah and she smiled happily. “Right!” Ken set the trimmer down once there was nothing but glistening stubble on Sarah’s head too. “Now for the bit that takes skill!” He picked up a long, thin can that the children took at first to be deodorant or some sort of air-freshener and began to shake it but it did not rattle how they expected, rather a thick, gloopy sound came from within. “Starting with Carmen again?” he asked. Both children nodded in agreement, Sarah looking on with curiosity as the little boy stepped forward and Ken squirted a heap of clear blue get from the can onto the top of his head, the sudden cold making Carmen giggle, then began to rub it around, lathering it up as he did so, until the top of her cousin’s head was covered in thick, gloopy soap-bubbles. Using his thumbs, Ken wiped a little over Carmen’s eyebrows too. “Now,” he said in a more serious tone but with kindness in his voice. “I’m going to need you to stand very still. Can you do that for me?” Carmen nodded. “God boy!”

Wide-eyed, Carmen watched as Ken took out a leather pouch, opened it carefully and removed a long, straight razor like the ones the man in the movie used to cut people’s throats. He was so captivated by the shiny blade with its elegant bone handle as Ken sharpened it against a thick leather strap that it was only when he noticed Sarah giggling and the watching adults clearly trying their best not to that he realised his willy had turned hard again like when he was expecting one of Mummy’s Special Kisses. He smiled a little sheepishly and Sarah reached over and pushed it down with the end of her finger, watching it spring up again and bounce with a giggle.

“Someone’s looking forward to cooking!” she teased. “Or perhaps I just look really pretty with a shaved head?” She looked at him expectantly but, fortunately for Carmen, Ken rescued saved him from having to respond by telling him he was ready to start shaving at that he must stand very still, carefully positioning his head before he set to work with the razor.

“This was my great-grandfather’s.” he explained in a conversational tone as he worked, although the look of concentration on his face never wavered. “Passed down to my grandfather, then to my dad and now to me. He taught me how to use it when I was fifteen. There we go!” he declared with satisfaction, finishing by removing Carmen’s eyebrows with a single pass across each. All done!” He took a towel and wiped the excess soap off the young boy’s head. Carmen reached up and ran a hand over his smooth scalp. It felt strange and waxy, not at all how he had expected.

“How do I look?” he asked curiously.

“Like an alien!” Sarah giggled. “I guess it’s my turn now?” She turned to Ken, relaxing her posture and tilting her head upwards as he cleaned the razor and gave it a few more passes over the leather strap to really hone the edge. “Ooh that’s cold!” the meat-girl gave a small yelp of surprise as the soap gel was squirted onto the top of her head.

“Not for long, I promise.” Ken smiled, spreading it around as he had done with Carmen then picking up his razor once more. The ease and speed with which he worked was genuinely remarkable, the sign of a true craftsman, and in less than two minutes Sarah was just as bald as Carmen.

“So you do have some tan-lines after all!” he teased his cousin, seeing how pale the top of her head was. Sarah reached up to feel it in surprise then shrugged and giggled.

“What about our eyelashes?” she asked. “Don’t want people swallowing those by accident!”

“Those are easier to pick out.” Uncle Silas assured her. “And when I cut you up, I’ll do my best to pull them out. Should be pretty easy by then but it would be a long and painful process if we were to try now.”

“Oh, okay.” Sarah accepted his answer with a cheerful smile. “I just want to make sure we’re as yummy as possible for everyone and nobody gets their treat spoiled!”

“You’re a good kid.” her uncle smiled warmly. “You both are! Now I just need to… Oh…” he swore under his breath, making the children giggle. “Sorry! I just realised we don’t have a hose hookup here. I didn’t think of that.” He ran his fingers through his hair and exhaled deeply. “Not sure what to do now!”

“The butchers had a hose set up for cleaning out the meat!” Sarah informed him helpfully. “Maybe they’d let you borrow it?”

“Seems the best option.” Ken shrugged as he carefully packed his razor and other equipment away. “We need to get the hair off somehow.”

“You’d need to walk over there like this.” Silas reminded the cousins. “Are you okay with that?”

“Of course!” Sarah answered confidently for both of them. “Everyone could already tell we were meat!”

“Yeah it’s fine!” Carmen smiled in agreement. “Just as long as the Men in Black don’t pop out and try to take us away!”

“That could be an issue, yes!” Silas chuckled, looking at his niece and nephew who both did look distinctly other-worldly, mostly due to their lack of eyebrows.

“I’ll come over with you.” Carmen’s mum offered. “Help fight them off if they pounce!” Leaving Sarah’s dad to help Silas get everything else ready for the cooking, the strange little family group once again walked to the far end of the market, the children getting surprised looks from the other stall-holders, mostly for their odd appearance rather than the fact that they were naked although Carmen’s little but fierce erection did earn a few comments. Behind the screen next to the auction stand, Silas explained his predicament to the man who seemed to be in charge.

“Oh no problem!” he chuckled. “Happy to help out! Okay Roger and ET,” he teased the children playfully, giving them the names of well-known pop-culture aliens, “let’s get you cleaned up!” The cousins moved to the designated cleaning area as instructed. “You might want to brace yourselves!” the foreman butcher warned then as he fiddled with the end of the hose. A second later they were hit with a blast of water that completely took their breath away! If the shaving gel had felt cold, it was nothing compared to this! They gasped and chocked under the high-pressure spray but managed to compose themselves enough to follow the instructions given to put their hands on their head then to turn around so that their backs could be sprayed and finally to bend forward at touch their toes, upon doing which they were rewarded with concentrated jets of water up their butt-holes and, in Sarah’s case, giving her plump fillet a very thorough cleaning!

Since it was already a hot day despite the relatively early hour, Uncle Silas suggested that Carmen put his hat back on while they went exploring to offer a little protection from the sun. A bit of sunburn wouldn’t be an issue, given what was planned for the children, but the last thing he needed was his tasty little nephew getting sun-stroke and starting to throw up or passing out before he was in the pot, muddying the question of consent should he be challenged. Of course all the relevant papers had been signed to give him the legal right to cook the children but they still technically had the right to back out so he needed them conscious and coherent for the start of the cooking process. So, looking cute and delicious but rather comical, the blonde cousins set off in nothing but hats and boots, holding hands, to explore the market.

To be continued...