Anja didn't blink. Her green eyes sharpened, locking onto mine with unsettling concentration. “The appetite,” she said quietly, her voice piercing through the hissing of the candles. It wasn't a question, it was a statement. She knew it. She understood the dark contours of the territory I had mapped. She knew what I was trying to do here. Her gaze shifted back to the hot mess that surrounded me, and her expression changed from one of assessment to something that bordered disturbingly on recognition. "The heat deceives you, the heat seduces you," she murmured, almost to herself. "It makes the skin sing. It makes the boundaries...soften." A drop of rainwater slipped from her copper-colored hair and splashed onto the tile next to her boot. It echoed louder than it should have.


‘Sven, you've gone down a dark path. You're exploring a fetish that requires a lot of discipline.’ Anja's words echoed through the room. I was speechless. The silence was broken by the ringing of her mobile phone.


Anja answered the phone. ‘Hey sister, how are you? Has something happened? The first girl is awake? You took the little one to your flat? How is she doing with you? No, I didn't run away! Take care of these girls, please take care of yourself! Think of our father, there could be trouble, you know why I'm no longer with the company.’ I tried to understand Anja's call. Anja and her sister seemed to be in trouble. Anja continued: ‘Lila, I'm fine. I'm at my new neighbour's place right now and apparently I've been invited to dinner,’ Anja joked and winked at me.


She ended the conversation with the words, ‘I will always help you and the girls.’ Her hand was still slightly cramped where she had clutched the phone. I opened my mouth. Questions about sisters, girls, companies, Questions came to mind – but Anja cut me off sharply. Her green eyes scanned my face and then wandered to the slush that clung to my shoulders. ‘Can I freshen up quickly?’ she asked, her voice suddenly brisk and matter-of-fact. ‘I feel sticky from the rain.’ She took off her wet leather jacket, revealing a damp crop top underneath. Water droplets ran down her bare arms.

‘Guest bathroom,’ I said, vaguely pointing down the hallway with my chin. ‘At the end of the hallway, second door on the left. Towels are in the cupboard. A quick hot shower would probably do you good.’ She nodded and was already on her way. ‘And clean clothes,’ I added after she had reached the door, raising my voice slightly. ‘The guest room is right next door. Wardrobe. Help yourself.’

She stopped at the threshold and turned around. Her gaze lingered on the bathtub, on the flickering candles beneath it, on my shoulders protruding from the murky liquid. A small, unreadable smile flitted across her lips – not mocking, not alarmed. *Judgmental*. ‘Stay in your soup pot, the heat shouldn't get any stronger, I'll be right back.’ Then she was gone, her wet footsteps quickly fading in the hallway.

Silence returned, filled with the smell of ginger and hot chicken, accompanied by the frantic hissing and crackling of the tea lights as they went out one by one. Now there were 170 left. The heat suddenly felt sharper, more isolating. What did she mean by ‘discipline’? Which girls? Which company? Her sister's urgent voice echoed in my head: ‘Is the first girl awake?’ The broth sloshed against my ribs as I moved, and despite the boiling hot water, a shiver ran down my spine. Anja wasn't just open-minded, she was deeply immersed in the very darkness I was exploring. Her insight had not been academic in nature. It was instinctive. Personal. The ‘appetite’. She had named it like an old acquaintance.


My thoughts raced, what a strange encounter.
A pretty woman, just my type. And probably with more than one secret. After maybe 20 minutes, Anja came back. Shit, she had chosen an outfit that belonged to my ex. Goth girl look. Then I noticed that Anja had the same body proportions as my ex Marian. And Marian, my goth girl ex-girlfriend, had the same physique as the girls in my fetish fantasies. And the pictures that showed them.