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Literature
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AL
2026/07/09
(Thu)
16:39:49
No.
31240
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I really enjoyed your story and I'd look forward to read the next installment.
I particularly love how piglet is constantly on the knife edge between getting cooked and possibly becoming a farmer herself, both her and Ms. Baker seeing her potential in both avenues.
I hope a next installment might maintain this ambiguity while maybe exploring her training as a farmer.
If I may offer a slight criticism, one thing that throws me off is how you keep drifting between present tense and past tense.
For example when you write this:
"One of the boys chose a meaty part, just below the asscheek. Best tasting steak come from that area he told the boys.
His sharp knife effortlessly slice into her meaty leg.
Barbie's eyes open, confused, numb! A full-throated raspy voice vibrated out her mouth."
Some parts are written like a story being narrated, while some others are written like you're doing roleplay, like the reader is a character in the story witnessing the scene.
It would make reading your story far more enjoyable if you kept it narrated like a story, since we wouldn't have to translate in our head.
Keep up the good work.
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No.
31240
Board
Literature
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