>>31242
No, I don't mean switching between dialogue and narration. That's normal and I'm perfectly fine with it.

Here's a few more examples that may hopefully illustrate better what I mean, from chapter 10.

"School taught her that.
Yet they shielded her from life, finding her place.
The farm has shown her so much more, things hidden from her. Personal nature, sexual hunger-her role in life- as a tasty little piglet.
She turn back to the movie wall. Must be something to watch. She wiped her wet pussy-tasting it. She had to agree- she did taste good."

With bits like "The farm has shown her" or "She turn(s) back" being narrated in the present tense rather than the past, in the middle of a past tense narration part.
Then just afterwards

"Something she hadn’t notice last night. Her skin is so smooth, no peach fuzz anywhere.
Even the her arms are free of hairs. Her mound free as well- her light orange starter patch bare.
Her cute freckles prominently on full display.
“Movie”, she tried to refocus. Looking across. The rows- then she tilt her head up.
The top shelf, the dozen or so identical cases—matte black, no artwork.
Just a peek she told herself. Turning one last time to the door."

With "Her skin is so smooth", "her arms are free", "she tilt(s) her head up" being present tense in the middle of a paragraph that should (I think) entirely be past tense.
And the section continues with a mix of present and past tenses.

That's the parts that I find a bit jarring to read, because I end up having to rephrase it in my head, pulling my focus away from the story.
And that's a bit of a shame, because that's a wonderful story to read. :D

And I may have to reiterate, 'cause things sometimes come across harsher than intended, I really loved the story. So don't let the small criticism deter you from writing more.