“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,” said the ringmaster. “This is our final round — let’s hope it’s a good one! Please bring forward Agnes Morton and her boyfriend Ian Hunkins. These two were responsible for rescuing three rebels from our Ghost Train and three from our Dodgem’s tent, where they also murdered Private Stuart Langdon who was on guard.”

But the ringmaster jinxed it with his opening remark. As soon as he left the arena, Agnes and Ian carefully put down the flails that he had given them.

“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,” said Agnes. “We will not fight for your sadistic pleasure. We believe that our government is corrupt and evil, and we will always do whatever we can to expose that corruption and defeat that evil for the benefit of everyone in society.”

“We hope that we will inspire you to expect more, and demand more, from our leaders,” added Ian. “If we must die, then we will die with our principles unbroken and our consciences clear.”

“English Liberation Army!” they chanted in unison.

With that they turned to each other and embraced. The audience began whispering as they sank down and Agnes lay on her back.

Ian went down on her and they began to make passionate love in the sand.

I glanced at the ringmaster. He was having a frantic discussion with a man in a suit — probably someone from the government. But they let the couple continue for their full fifteen minutes, after which a klaxon sounded and the ringmaster got to his feet.

“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,” he said, as if nothing untoward had happened, “you now have the pleasure of choosing which of these rebels will fight in the semi-finals.”

“Please raise your hand if you choose Ian Hunkins as the victor.”

Several thousand people raised their hands, including my wife.

“And now, please raise your hand if you choose Agnes Morton as the victor.”

It was quite clear to everyone that Agnes had won when around seventy percent of the people in the arena raised their hands. I wondered if they secretly agreed that their government was corrupt and evil, or, like me, just wanted to see a pretty teenage girl live to continue fighting. I suspected the latter!

Guards came over and separated the lovers. Agnes was taken back to her post, while four guards lifted Ian by his limbs. He didn’t resist.

A fifth guard retrieved one of the flails from the sand and approached Ian. After looking him over for a moment, he moved between his legs and raised the flail above his head.

The blow was brutal, and was followed by nine more until Ian’s genitals were mutilated beyond recognition.

The guard paused to allow the other four to parade Ian around the edge of the arena, making sure everyone got a view of the destruction.

Then he systematically went around and repeatedly beat all of Ian’s limbs until they broke.

Ian, who had long since passed out, was returned to his post and left to die.

“Please put your hands together for the winner of Round Six: That guard!” said the ringmaster, pointing, and there was a round of laughter and applause as the guard took a bow.