putting 12 in speed gives me about 15 rounds to survive (get hit 2 out of 5, then an average of 17 damage per hit if including crits). Maybe a Dark Eldar.

putting all 12 in armor gives me immunity to most attacks. I'd get hit every round but only 2 out of 5 would deal any damage. Roughly 1 quarter would be crits (dealing an average of 9 damage), the other 3/4 would deal 1.5 damage per attack and no more than 8 damage AT BEST! Giving me 23 rounds.

The Tortoise God
Age: Fresh off the assembly line, baby!
Weapons: Flamethrowers, cannons, rockets, guided missiles, stomping, lightning blast, EMP.
Speed: 0
Armor: 12.